“My boyfriend would like me to dominate him. I’m kinda into the idea and it’s something that I’d like to try out, but I’m also a little worried that I’ll just be super awkward. Any tips?”
“My boyfriend wants me to be more dominant and I don’t really know how??I looked around on tumblr but all the femdom blogs I’ve seen seem really abusive and gross.”
Oh, I can tell you a few things about this!
Do you want to hear about them?
No, tell me.
Tell me how much you want to hear about them… 😉 (etc etc forever)
if you aren’t naturally a dominant kinda gal – it’s all about playing pretend! You’re not really dominating them, really. You’re just acting like you are for fun and giggles. I think that’s important to remember! (Also, real talk, if the whole thing isn’t for you at all, that’s fine.)
So! There are many different flavours of ‘being dominant.’ Sure, you’re in charge, but you can be in charge in a feisty or even sorta-mean way, or you can be in charge in a offish and perhaps cutely-patronising way, or even in a really nice way! You can treat ‘em (even if you’re not exactly saying it) like he’s some trashy fucko who needs to be taught a lesson, a sweet innocent virgin who needs to be shown exactly what to do and given lots of praise and rewards, or just a handsome-yet-disposable sex slave who’s just there to worship your goddamn clitoris until mama gets her rocks off.
They’re quite different! They’re all good! (Maybe your partner has one more in mind than the other though?) Maybe one resonates with you a little more. Go for that one!
Crazy but true: you can actually keep lots of the sex stuff the same and still be ‘more dominant.’ So for example, perhaps usually during sex, you do stuff to each other, then they make you cum, and then you make them cum. But if you put it more like this – “Oh, you wanna cum huh? Well you’re gonna have to get me off first, sweetie. And don’t you dare think about touching yourself until I say…” – then, even though it’s the same deal, now you’re being a Foxy Little Sex Bitch™ about it! Even regular stuff you might say, like “Oh, that’s so good!” can, with a minor change of inflection, come across a bit more bossy and demanding 😉
Imposing some simple rules makes for instant power play! The two simplest ideas are: a) you can touch them, but they can’t touch you. (Cue driving them totally wild, making them beg, etc.) Or, b) they touch you, but you don’t touch them at all. (Except maybe as a reward at the end if they’re good!)
It’s weird that two opposite things can be both be dominant, but there we go – the neat thing about ‘dominance’ is that it doesn’t have to involve any one particular sex act. You can sit back in a big comfy chair and play Candy Crush while they get on their knees and eat you out like the A++++ Princess you are… or you can give them the world’s teasing-est oral until they’re begging for more like the desperate slut they are.
Basically, when you’re about to cum, it’s frankly about time, it’s the least you expect, and your partner needs to keep fucking going already. But when they’re about to cum, it’s because they need to – they’re putty in your hands, and if you’re feeling very nice, you might let them, or you might not! OOOH YOU’RE SO MEAN AND TOUGH CHECK YOU OUT!
Oh some easy things: blindfolds. Hand ties. That’s just the ‘rules’ thing with props!
That said, being ‘more dominant’ can just be a physical thing. You can just be a bit more rough, and make it more like You Are Fucking Them rather than Them Fucking You. Even if you’re super-petite and they’re insanely stacked, you still us your physicality (clue: teeth, nails, body weight) to make an impression. If they feel like they’re usually ‘dominant’, just pay attention to how they use their body and try and flip the script!
Like you can be the big spoon, wrap your arm around his neck and do things to them:
Straddle him and run your hands over them:
Grab their neck and pull their hair:
Ride ‘em slowwwly like you won’t quite let ‘em cum:
Dig your nails into that ass:
Like, really dig ‘em in!
You can bite…
You can straddle their face…
And just generally throw ‘em around some!
All in all it doesn’t necessarily matter what you do, it’s just the way that you do it. It’s no surprise that it’s a bit intimidating, because taking charge is scarier than someone else doing that! But remember (and remind your partner of this too maybe?) that, despite the outward appearance, the whole scenario is secretly collaborative! The ‘submissive’ person still needs to scooch things along for the both of you (more so, if anything) and can’t just be like ‘Do Wild Sex Stuff To Me. No Just Guess What I LIke. Good Luck!!!! ’