I call them my four Ds.
Establishing a successful 24/7 female led relationship is a lot of hard work on both parties and on many levels. First of all you both have to agree that this lifestyle is what you want and worth the effort. Once you head down the FLR-road, there might be no turning back. Chances are that you yourself will appreciate the lifestyle more and more as you move along. Your husband/partner on the other hand may begin to dislike it once he realizes his entire life is changing and that it isn’t just a hot fantasy he can wank off to any more. In a female led relationship the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework and accepting this is a major challenge for most men.
The process of getting your hubby to accept his new role and take on the household chores is what I refer to as “Domestication”. It is important for the power exchange in the relationship. The domestication of your man is important for you to be able to feel “in charge” and for him to feel submissive. It’s what makes the dynamic in a female led relationship work.
In order to get the attention you need from your husband/partner as you domesticate him, you deny him what he loves most of all, his climax. I use a chastity device for this purpose but it doesn’t have to be a device as long as your hubby is 100% committed and understands the importance of you owning his orgasms. In the beginning you use his orgasms as rewards. You train him with orgasms the same way a dolphin-trainer will slip a fish to a dolphin for doing it’s jump. For example; after doing the appointed household chores to your liking, you tell him he has been a really good boy and as a reward he will be allowed to fuck you. You get the idea. Women have been using sex as rewards for thousands of years. The difference here is that he will know that it is a reward and that you’ll be doing it continuously with him wanting it to be this way.
As your FLR evolves you’ll want to make it harder and harder for him to get his rewards until you find a cyclus that suits your relationship. In time, if you succeed, this will become easier and you won’t have to reward him this way with the same frequency. He’ll learn to appreciate that the true reward is the lifestyle itself.
PS! Taking away his orgasms doesn’t mean that you have to limit your own. Feel free to have sex, masturbate or use your husband in any way you want as often as you like as long as you don’t allow him to climax. From my experience, involving my husband in my pleasure just enhances the effect of the denial. When you’ve had your pleasure and you’re completely satisfied, make sure you talk to him about why he can’t cum and which chores he has to finish to get his reward. When he’s extremely horny, be positive and talk about how you appreciate his efforts with the chores. This makes the conditioning of his mind go a lot faster.
The same way you use orgasms as rewards you should also use discipline and punish him when his performance isn’t good enough. You can punish him in a lot of different ways. From simply prolonging the period without orgasm to a harsh bare bottom caning. I am not a sadist and I don’t take any pleasure from disciplining my husband. I do it because I know he needs it. It’s his wish not mine. My husband tells me he needs discipline from time to time in order re-enforce the power exchange between us. The punishments I administer also helps him correct his behaviour and the fear of them helps him to intensify his efforts to please me.
In a lot of the articles, stories, and blog entries you read from Dominatrixes online, you get the impression that bad boys need discipline and spanking is the only way to do that. I don’t agree. I use a variety of methods other than spanking. Very few of them involves hitting.
For instance, the one he hates the most is when I simply ignore him. Absolutely no violence is involved. My husband hates being ignored and it never takes long for him to figure out why he’s being ignored and to correct his behaviour. It’s very effective. I also quite often use what I call “suffer in silence”. I use it because it’s very effective, extremely easy for me to administer, it doesn’t make any sound (we have kids), and it lasts more than 30 minutes which actually gives him a lot of time to think about why he’s being punished. It’s kind of like a harsh spanking and corner time combined. When I administer “suffer in silence” I order him to go to our bedroom and “undress and cuff up”. I follow him upstairs and lock him spreadeagle on his back on our bed before removing his chastitycage. While doing so I make sure he knows why he is being disciplined. This is important. Then I finish up by rubbing a generous ammount of BenGay onto his cock and balls. If I’m especially angry or disappointed in him I slip some into his anus as well. Then I leave the room, close the door behind me and go downstairs for some quiet time with the newspaper or the kids. The effect lasts 30-40 minutes after which I release him and we cuddle up for some aftercare while he tells me what he has learned and how he is going to improve himself and his efforts.
When it comes to discipline, use your imagination and discuss the alternatives with your spouse. He needs to know what might happen and fear it. Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be spanking.
Through Domestication, Denial and Discipline you will be the head of your household.
Give it time. My husband and I started on this wonderful journey over 15 years ago and our relationship is still evolving. It’s very often one step forward and two steps back but as long as you’re both committed to the task the results will come.
In a successful modern 24/7 female led relationship you’ll find very few spiked corsets, whips and thigh high boots. Usually there is just a strong, confident woman with an urge to be in charge and a confident husband longing to be submissive, both sharing the courage to challenge the old fashioned patriarchal society. They live this way because female led relationships simply works better.
“An obedient husband is a happy husband!”